For every rule there is an exception. Take business advice for example.
Since the late 1930s, every budding industrialist, investment banker, and entrepreneur has read Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People.
It’s loaded with sage, but simplistic advice like listening and smiling.
Large corporations hand it out to their sales and customer service teams. Writers clamour for a copy. Just about everybody in the world has read it.
Except my grandfather.
As a young adult, husband, and father, my dad’s dad was in the insurance business. Strange, considering he was a blunt instrument. A rugged, dead-to-the-feelings-of-the-world individual. A bull in a china shop.
Annoy him and you could expect something along the lines of, “I hate you and the horse you rode in on.”
This made selling insurance difficult. This made working with others difficult. His superiors suggested he read How to Win Friends and Influence People. He refused and quit.
I love that story. Not because it exalts hard-headedness or rebellion. But because it doesn’t end there.
From the insurance business my grandfather went on to snap up a few apartment buildings and houses he eventually renovated and rented.
In addition, he bought a shotgun-style sundry store with tar paper floors (he refused to replace) that became a downtown staple of Collinsville, IL (my childhood home).
As far as I know he didn’t get filthy rich, but he was financially independent … and vastly satisfied.
I love this story because he carved out his life in direct opposition to conventional wisdom. Until the day he died he maintained that snarl.
It would be wrong of me, however, not to point out that he was, indeed, a very caring and generous person. To me, my sister, his own children. His community, his lodge. He had dozens of good friends. You just had to know Brad — and how to bear Brad — to enjoy Brad’s company.
The moral of the story: know when to listen to conventional wisdom. And when to ignore it.
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Another snapshot of your life that teaches me a lesson. Class.
And I love …
“You just had to know Brad — and how to bear Brad — to enjoy Brad’s company.”
Your granddad sounds like a friend of mine. If he’s at a party, I warn any non-mutual friends that they won’t like him until at least after the NEXT party.
“To at least after the NEXT party.” I like that. Thank you for the kind words. I enjoy writing. And hearing other people do to. 😀
I think I know a few people like your granddad.
Going against conventional wisdom is so difficult. It seems like there’s a constant nagging telling you, “this is a bad idea.”
That really is the truth, Will.
I think more and more I live for moments to contradict conventional wisdom, prove people wrong.
The problem is so many folks are too deaf to listen, to buried in their own anxieties to realize what they’ve got wrong. It’s sad, but it’s really not our problem.
As writers, getting even the smallest brilliant point across is worth it.
That is EXACTLY it.
Oh, loved reading about your grandpa! He was an interesting man, indeed. Can’t help but wonder how that book might have changed his life, though…
Haha, indeed.
Poignant post.
Makes me think of my maternal grandfather, whom I was close with till the day he suddenly left life during the summer of my 18th year.
My grandfather had sort of an opposite experience with Dale Carnegie and the classic book. The story goes that my grandfather was pretty quiet in his younger days. But sometime in the late 50s, he took a Dale Carnegie course. (I have an old black and white glossy photo of that class somewhere.) The story is that after taking the class, he was much more verbal and more outgoing for the rest of his life. I also have his old copy of “How to Win Friends..” stored away somewhere.
I don’t know for sure how much the class really did benefit him, but I do know he was by nature a “man’s man” who talked more with his actions and abilities with tools than with his mouth.
I miss him and our fishing trips.
His experience, along with my own experience with “self help” instructors and books like Carnegie, lends me to think that they can be helpful to some folks.
In fact, maybe “listening and smiling” isn’t really conventional wisdom? I mean, look at how few people actually practice those two things…especially listening.
I read the book, too, and it was an inspiration. So yes, for the most part they are helpful. And sure, even though most people don’t practice smiling and listening, doesn’t make it any less conventional. 😀
I love the sound of your Grandfather!
Give me the maverick, the rebel, the person who has the courage to follow their own star, rather than the Corporate climber with his sycophantic smile and lip service listening and honed networking skills.
I will add the ‘hate and horse’ quote to my repertoire of favourite quotes.
Great article. Humorous. Memorable. Insightful.
Thank you. 🙂
Sara
I like that quote, too! Thank you for your kind words, Sara.
Great story, Demian. More people need to be like your grandfather (myself included). When society tells us to do something, the majority of us do it. There aren’t as many rebelling against the norm as there should be which is why so many of us are stuck in dead end jobs because we’re too afraid to go off the beaten path and try making a name for ourselves. If you try and fail at least you’ll die knowing you tried!
Takes a lot of confidence. Courage. Well, more courage … I think my grandfather had a ton of it. Confidence that is. A little cocky, I’d say. Or just determined. 😀